Reflection

As I sit at home listening to my music I have vivid flash backs of when I started dancing. I would be at all the great parties, Events, Shows. I would be rocking that dance floor like never before with no care of whats happening outside of that circle. I ask myself how can I possibly ever walk away from this amazing world? How can I turn away from the very thing that made me who I am as a dancer? How can I come back and feel that passion and fire that flowed throughout my body? Have I truly lost the spark that gave me that 'I can do anything?' I'm sitting here listening to Liquid Agents DJ Carlisle and it occurs to me that I have not Lost that spark, that I can still do this. That feeling when your dancing and everything around goes dark and all you hear is the music the spot light is on you and the very hair on your neck stands up. It's that moment when all your emotions are pouring out of your body, your sweat beads down your face like tears except your not crying, your falling in love.

I ask myself what happened and why did I stop? Well I decided that I will tell all the world that the dream is never over and that it's just sometimes put on hold. This piece will be about me and how I decided to accomplish my goal as a dancer..

I have a passion for dance but music is the root of who I am. As I go through my IPhone I look for the perfect track, if I can't find it I use sound cloud and hit search. I discover the Liquid Agents and I'm hit with flashbacks and images. When I started dancing I had no clue what anything was if I liked the track I'd listened to it until my ears hurt. I never cared the genre, all I knew was that I had to dance.

I was that kid in the club that no one knew except the DJ. I was there for the music I never cared about the chicks nor did I care about hooking up. I was that kid that sometimes wore wide legged slacks and button down satin shirt (very lame but it was in at the time) and shoes. Other days I wear fresh jeans and fresh kicks. The DJ would see me and say "was up?!" and I would go to my normal corner at the club where the mirrors were. I'd dance in front of that mirror all night every weekend Friday to Sunday. I would just let loose until someone realized I had skills and pushed me out of the corner to the middle of the floor.

From then on I never danced in the corner again. Just thinking of how passionate I was makes me tear cause it was so invigorating. Random people would come up to me and say, "damn dude that was so fresh!" Almost 12 years later I have conquered many shows and events that I have had the privileged to dance in videos, movies and other awesome projects. 

I've been out of the dance scene for several years now and I feel so lost, that now I found myself going back to that corner again that I started in years ago. I see so many awesome dancers that now I find myself intimidated by them. All these amazing Bboys and house dancers have taken dance to another level. The intricate movements and flawless styles. I now find myself feeling like, I am not that great anymore. The funny thing is I'm not even that old, I still have years left but feel like my passion has dwindled.

There are days where I am feeling it and say to myself that I can do this and I totally let loose. But then I see someone who's so insanely fresh and then I shut down. I do have a major flaw and it's that I never continue and finish what I started and honestly for the first time I can ask 'why?' The reason I do is boredom and I get intimidated on what others are saying and I've been told sometimes I take things way to personal. 

It's 2014 and I tell myself I will not let myself stop dancing. I have these feelings that I'm meant for this and this is my calling I just have to stay strong and focus. I do have one fear and that is to feel like a "dinosaur". In other words, be that dancer "that used to dance". I then remember a conversation that I had a few weeks ago with a mentor also a good friend of mine Kwon. He mentioned on how some of these dinosaurs are trying to come back and relive their 15 minutes of fame by saying they were part of some historic crew when they really never were. He also cautioned me on how these pioneers made it seem they were huge back in the day by retelling a performance from 20 years ago. In other words they were trying to relive or revive themselves by using that 15 minutes of fame. I am not the best bboy or house dancer in the world but my will is stronger than ever and I refuse to relive something that happened already. I refuse to be that dancer that says "I used to dance with this person/crew" or "I did this show back in the day", because honestly that is all irrelevant now.

I was watching a video by well renown Artist/Dancer Ejoe, and everything he said was right on the money. "History repeats itself, the only thing that changed is the fact we're doing it in our generation and modernized the styles". This was really inspiring to me watching clips from his "Forever" dance event. He said exactly what I've tried to say. I've come to the conclusion that I will never be a dinosaur because the passion of dancing is still in me. His spiritual demeanor was just so strong, mind you I have never formally met him, but I have danced in the same room. Unfortunately I never approached him because I was intimidated by all these great dancers at the dance session. Ejoe stated something else that really got my attention, "Music and dance is a social thing, stop moving around and stay connected to each other". That hit me right in the central nervous system and pretty much woke me up. 

As a dancer I've noticed everyone has their social groups and crews and if your not part of that you're usually an "outcast". Unfortunately, that is how I feel as a dancer. I belong to no specific crew or social group. It did bother me though sometimes having to search for events or sessions and practices because here I thought I was part of a dance community or crew when I really wasn't. I did realize though when I first started I didn't know anyone, yet I still found my way because of my knack with networking and socializing about dance. So I decided that I will make my own path and network like I used to and may the path of music and dance led the way. 

Although we may live in a new era where dancing has evolved and become almost super hero like with insane body movements and precision, know that it has been done once before and its that what we are doing in our generation. These words echo in my head and have brought me to a higher platform as a dancer, "Dancing is the constant vibrations of the same combinations"...

I will end it with this: Dancing and music is apart of every human being in this world, no matter who did what or who said they bit your move, everything repeats itself. The thing that changes is the time of when it was done and the evolution that follows. You're only a dinosaur if you let yourself become one. Life is full of unimaginable beauty and it all starts with you/us. Trust and believe in yourself as a dancer because the only person that fails is you and you can go as far as you choose.

Create your own history and dance together..